Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Sometimes, I just don't understand.

Today was a day of deep thought.  As I drove to work, Brian called me and was venting about his frustrations with a certain someone.  That's my job as his companion is to allow him to vent his frustrations and then listen with understanding.  It is hard to see loved ones make poor choices.  It's even harder when they make poorer choices and then don't want to deal with the consequences. 

When I got home from work, reality hit me of my own consequences.  My sister de-friended me on facebook.  This is the 3rd family member that has done this to me.  Man, I must be on a roll or something.  What I don't get is that I do not attack or maliciously attack any of these people.  I cannot think of any reason or event that would justify my loved ones not wanting to be associated with me.  In some ways, it is very hurtful to me.  I may live differently, but they have their life and I have mine.  Bottom line, I still love them.  I don't attack and I don't live an offensive life.  I try to follow the Savior's example and am quite shy.  I have no problem living my life with confidence, but it leaves me energy that I prefer to reserve for those who are close around me.  My new year's resolution was to be more outgoing this year.  Yes, me!

I have pondered these things in my heart and this is where I am at so far:
1.  No matter what, I still love these people.  I will never throw in the towel on them.
2.  I am what I am.  I cannot reach the expectations of those around me, especially when they don't know me and when they don't want anything to do with who I am and how I live me life.
3.  The only solution I have is just to love them back.

I felt strong impressions at church last week to send my sister a Book of Mormon.  I have been going back and forth on a way to send it without offending her.  I even bought chocolates to go with it.  But how do you write a letter and send an unwanted gift to someone who hates you?  The only answer I have is that I am taking it to the Lord. 

Life will go on and I will probably be defriended on Facebook many more times after this.  I'm use to the shots, they don't hurt as bad now.  I still am caught off guard when the shots come from family members, but I'm not walking in their shoes and have no idea what is going on in their heads to really know the intentions of why.  Just got to keep plugging along and hope that one day, they might walk in my shoes for a day.  Perhaps the judgements would be a little less harsh. 

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