Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Task after task after task..

January is an interesting month for me.  It is a time to set goals and resolutions, but it is also the darkest and coldest time of the year.  It's also tax time.  So for me, I am dealing with 2 business taxes and then personal taxes.  It consumes my thoughts until I get it done.  Taxes, Taxes Taxes!  I can see the end of the tunnel, I am just not sure yet if it is a train.

Today, I did my grocery shopping at Sam's Club.  That was an interesting experience.  Buying in bulk supposedly is saving my time and money.  I desire both.  With both Brian and I eating much healthier, here are the items that I bought today for record:

Beef Jerkey
Chicken Breasts
Frozen Fruit
Roast Beef
Whole wheat bread
Whole wheat tortillas
Brussel sprouts
Sugar Free Pudding
Baked Lays
Rotisserie Chicken

I also found the cutest bag for my scriptures and church.  I LOVE IT!! So much better than my purse.  So now the budget is done, the groceries are bought, I can focus on my lesson for Sunday and finish up those dang taxes. 

I had a small melt down on the phone today.  I was talking with Brian and he wanted me to set aside money in the near future towards the house.  I cried because I couldn't take one more task to my list.  You know what task is bothering me the most?  I can't get a hold of one of my ladies for Visiting Teaching.  Help me out here!  I am sad, I also lost Kim Simmons as my VT and haven't heard from anyone new.  Kim came and visited me last week, just in case.  I have really loved her.  So bummed!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

I am Truly Blessed

The last few days, I have had an overwhelming feeling of peace.  I am so grateful for this week and the different events I have been able to go to.

Monday night, we went grocery shopping for FHE.  Hey, sometimes that is just the way it works out, especially if the week is busy for me.  We mainly shopped for Brian.  He has now started training with Wes.  As of today, he has already lost 2 lbs.  Go Brian.  I cannot belive how much meat we have to buy.  I have come to the conclusion, that it is best to buy it in bulk at Sam's Club.  Oh, the joys of bulk buying! 

Tuesday night, we had our RS Enrichment night on baking bread.  I bake bread, I'm just terrible at it! HA!  I enjoyed the instruction and the company, but I left a little discouraged as to my abilities and lack of equipment.  They say that everything is in its seasons.  Baking bread right now, I close that chapter for a little while.  Kristen and I were going to go to Yogurtland afterwards, but decided not to, as it was 14 degrees outside. 

Last night, I went to my wards New Beginnings.  I earned my Honor Bee!  HOORAY!!  Honestly, the greatest joy I got out of the evening is not receiving the bee, oh alright, it did give me the giggles.   But the most joy was seeing Alexa gleam as she had earned her own YW Medallion.  That was awesom!!  We are taking her to the Roof to celebrate on Saturday night.  We are all excited to celebrate her hard work!!

Tonight, I am off with  my favorite ladies to celebrate Kristen's birthday!  I really enjoy the company and I am so looking forward to a little time with the girls.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

A tough Weekend.

Sorry I haven't posted in a few days.  I had a very rough weekend, and now life is feeling a bit better.  Brian and I had the biggest fight we have ever had in our entire marriage.  To the point that we said out loud that we loved each other, but we were not "in love" with each other.  No covenants broken, no secrets kept, just we didn't get along. 

The hardest part about a conversation like that is that words that can truly express how one feels, cuts deep to the core.  It tests what kind of foundation that you stand on for yourself and for your spouse.  I cried.  I cried for 2 days.  It was so hard and difficult and I felt that I was the biggest problem.  There was a moment where I packed my bags and was ready to leave.

We agreed that we needed to work on just him and I.  As we are both being pulled in our different directions and trying to focus on Shaeler more, we neglected each other.  We were warned about that.  Honestly, I feel that the Lord allowed this to happen so that our marriage could be strengthened.  It is one thing to be happy in marriage when everything is going great, it is another thing to be happy when your marriage is struggling. 

Things are a lot better.  I had been wondering if I was having pride issues because of my weight loss and new found attention.  Trust me, this knocked all and any pride out of me.  I am trying to be more helpful to him and he brought me home flowers yesterday.  We are trying to communicate more with each other during the day and having morning prayer for just he and I where we pray for just things to help in our relationship.  

The adversary sure is working hard in tearing families apart.  We were hit from behind and never saw it coming.  I should have.  But we are on the recovery and the way I see it, it can only get better from here.

Friday, January 7, 2011

I am Most Effective When I Ask the Lord for Help!

Today has been yet again another busy day.  I am simply blown away with all that was done and yet I give all credit to my Heavenly Father.  When I have busy days I always humbly ask for help.   When I am smart enough to do this, I am blown away with what is accomplished.  Here is my list for today:

Wake up at 5:30
Read scriptures and Jesus the Christ
Get Shaeler ready for school
Make breakfast and Shaeler's lunch
Take the girls to school
Visit Wes and get weighed in and new menu
Go work out for an hour
Receive a box full of pictures from my mom and talk to her on the phone for an hour.
Start Laundry
Cleaned kitchen
Eat lunch
Power Nap
Clean the entire rest of the house
Take Shae to piano lessons
Clean out closet in front bedroom (Organize file cabinet, Christmas wrapping and ribbons)
Make Dinner
Make and Bake Sugar Cookies
Bank credit cards
Write this journal entry

The box of pictures my mom sent me was like going down memory lane.  The pictures I enjoy the most to look at are of the ones from when I was a child.  I dont really enjoy my baton pictures and my teenage years so much.  But my childhood brings me great joy to look at a relive the memories.  Thank you mom for sending me these pictures.  It was a very kind gesture and I will treasure the memories.

Had my cheat meal tonight of pizza, cookies and ice cream.  It was delicious!

I also downloaded a new software called Dragon. It allows me to speak into a microphone and not have to type at all. In fact, I'm using it even now. I will just say that it is totally awesome. It is definitely a learning process though.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

The check list is diminishing!

Brian bought us both new phones this last December.   The calendar with google that we can sync with each other was well worth the money, heck I would have paid bigger bucks for the open communication that is going on.  He adds something, I get updated.  I add something, he gets updated.  It is totally AWESOME!

One of the applications I added to my phone is a To Do List Manager.  I am a check off girl.  As the week began, I had so much on my plate that my list had 18 items.  I left off my everyday stuff just so I wouldn't overwhelm myself.  At the beginning of the week, I slowly check items off.  I could see the end of the tunnel, I just wasn't quite sure if it was a train yet.

I have 2 items left on my list.  Suzanne is on FIRE!!  I am accomplishing so much in my life, I am simply blown away.  HOWEVER - I am also super tired.  Where is the balance?  Much to do, very little energy to do so.  Doesn't matter, I feel in control of my life and my brain is a lot free-er to think openly.  I tell ya, I fall asleep like the drop of a hat because my brain is not carrying the to do lists in my mind.

Last night I had another dream about having a baby.  Didn't know I was pregnant and BAM!  I had a baby of my own.  Last night's child was a little boy and it seemed to have a little ethnicity to him.  I was overwhelmed with emotion holding this boy in my arms.  It was meant to be and he was exactly where he was suppose to be.  It was pure happiness.  Perhaps this is one of my millenial children?  That would be great, but explain to me the ethnicity background?  Brian is pure Belgium and German.  I am English, Scottish and something.  Either way, his name was Travis Wake Rentmeister.  I know!  Very weird.   He was beautiful and he was mine and it was a glorious dream. 

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Sometimes, I just don't understand.

Today was a day of deep thought.  As I drove to work, Brian called me and was venting about his frustrations with a certain someone.  That's my job as his companion is to allow him to vent his frustrations and then listen with understanding.  It is hard to see loved ones make poor choices.  It's even harder when they make poorer choices and then don't want to deal with the consequences. 

When I got home from work, reality hit me of my own consequences.  My sister de-friended me on facebook.  This is the 3rd family member that has done this to me.  Man, I must be on a roll or something.  What I don't get is that I do not attack or maliciously attack any of these people.  I cannot think of any reason or event that would justify my loved ones not wanting to be associated with me.  In some ways, it is very hurtful to me.  I may live differently, but they have their life and I have mine.  Bottom line, I still love them.  I don't attack and I don't live an offensive life.  I try to follow the Savior's example and am quite shy.  I have no problem living my life with confidence, but it leaves me energy that I prefer to reserve for those who are close around me.  My new year's resolution was to be more outgoing this year.  Yes, me!

I have pondered these things in my heart and this is where I am at so far:
1.  No matter what, I still love these people.  I will never throw in the towel on them.
2.  I am what I am.  I cannot reach the expectations of those around me, especially when they don't know me and when they don't want anything to do with who I am and how I live me life.
3.  The only solution I have is just to love them back.

I felt strong impressions at church last week to send my sister a Book of Mormon.  I have been going back and forth on a way to send it without offending her.  I even bought chocolates to go with it.  But how do you write a letter and send an unwanted gift to someone who hates you?  The only answer I have is that I am taking it to the Lord. 

Life will go on and I will probably be defriended on Facebook many more times after this.  I'm use to the shots, they don't hurt as bad now.  I still am caught off guard when the shots come from family members, but I'm not walking in their shoes and have no idea what is going on in their heads to really know the intentions of why.  Just got to keep plugging along and hope that one day, they might walk in my shoes for a day.  Perhaps the judgements would be a little less harsh. 

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Just a few thoughts.

As I was working out this morning, I headed over to the air runner because I felt like I was going to pass out on the stairmill.  I had to stumble my way over to a bike to sit down for a minute and pedal slowly to calm myself down.  I was sweating profusely and the exzema I have been fighting with my hands, flared up my arms.  I was a sight for sore eyes.   So, needless to say, I spent the last 25 minutes of my workout at a slower pace.  I looked around the room and saw a lot of women and their work out attire.  My thoughts turned to the temple, specifically the baptismal font.  I find it interesting that as an endowed member, I am given endowed garments to wear in the water.  I am sopping wet, much like a swimming pool and it is important for me to have my garments on.  Hmmm.....made me start to think of the importance of wearing my garments at all times.

The other thing I want to note about today is Shaeler and her spelling tests.  She loathes practicing her spelling words and sentences because I make her write out her mispelled words 3 times after she tests with me.  She hates it!  I left her to write while I went to the bathroom and found her at the table with her head put down and only written her sentences once.  She was putting her foot down and refused to continue on.  Her biggest argument was that her head hurt and her hands were tired.  I calmly and lovingly informed her that she had a choice.  She could either finish her work and then have a play date or not finish her homework but could not have a play date.   Either choice was fine with me.  She glared at me with her arms folded and scowled because either way, she felt she was at a loss.  I offered as a bonus that we could pray together to have Heavenly Father bless her that she would be able to finish her work.  Stubbornly, she opted for the prayer.  I said the prayer.  I tried to say the words that she would know that her father in heaven loves her and that he desires to help her.  And that her education, although is hard work, is well worth her efforts.  After our prayer, she picked up her pencil and wrote her sentences with ease and no grunts.  I am not sure if she felt that my prayer was answered for her, but it was most definately answered for me.

I cleaned out our shoe basket in our mud room because Brian and I had an argument of the placement of the basket.  I found out that Shaeler has just as many shoes that I do and because of the argument, I polished 4 pairs of black shoes with the new polish I bought.  See, there is always a silver lining.  

My to do lists are eating me alive, but I knocked out a ton of work today.  It is the small steps, but parts of me long for the days of the Christmas holiday where I didn't have much to do.  I wonder if that would get old with me after a while?  Probably!  Such is life!

Monday, January 3, 2011

Let the Games Begin

I was dreading this day because everything in my life came back in full force.  There was no time to sit and just be and I had to delegate a little bit because I just did not have enough time in the day.  Sometimes I wish we had a few extra hours in the day.  Also the energy for those hours.  Today I accomplished the following:

Worked out
Made Shae Lunch and Breakfast
Made my breakfast
Downloaded 2 softwares.
Did my hair.
Did Shae's hair.
Did my make up and got dressed.
Loaded my car with things I needed today.
Drove Shae to school.
Stopped at Harmons and Kneaders for Randy's Christmas present.
Went to work.
Did Payroll.
Organized my to do list for work.
Worked and cleaned out filing cabinets.
Left work for home.
Ate lunch
Handled budget and paid bills.
Tried to get EFTPS going for Rentmeister Construction
Went to the Bank
Went to Target for groceries and medicines.
Picked up kids from school.
Came home and ate until Alexa showed up.
Worked with Alexa for an hour on her Personal Progress
Went grocery shopping
Ate Dinner
Taught Family Home Evening
Read 18 pages of Book of Mormon while Brian helped Shae with her homework and spelling.
Read 10 pages of Jesus the Christ.
Writing in Journal (now)
Wash Face and say prayers
Go to bed.

BLAH!!  That was one day and I am exhausted just reading it.  My to do list is still half full, but I know that I am getting a ton done.  Such is life!

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Setting Goals

Today was fast Sunday and we fasted for our ward missionary experience.  I fasted for some specific people and hoping that I can be inspired to help A & J.  Church time for us this year is 1:00 pm.  I was super excited to have the free morning, but also had anxiety of what to do with Shaeler until church started.  I awoke and watched the Joseph Smith Story with Brian and Shae.  What an amazing movie that is.  I cry like a baby when they operate on his leg and when Joseph and Emma bury their children.  The movie is so helpful to me as I am preparing my talk in the next couple of weeks.

After the movie, I helped Brian with getting the Quickbooks transferred over to the new computer.  I then transferred over our pictures and I found a movie that Janet had sent to me of Shaeler's 1st birthday.  I cry when I see her as a baby and that those days are over.   She was such a sweet baby.

I cleaned up for church and headed over to the Stake Center to deliver the newsletters to the 1st ward YW pres.  I got to hang out with Kristen in the Stake office and said some things that I felt terrible and horrible over.  It was not my intention at all to be hurtful, but it was one of those word vomit moments that you try to make it sound better and you just dig a bigger hole for yourself.  I love her and that friendship so much that I would never EVER want to hurt her.  I felt horribly bad. 

I came home and we left for church.  I got up and bore my testimony and sat down feeling dissapointed with what I said.  Why is it that I can think of very clear powerful thoughts and then completely struggle to express them.  My conclusion is that I need to bear my testimony more often for it to come more easily. 

Church was wonderful.  We are studying the New Testament in Gospel Doctrine which is my favorite book of the Standard Works.  We have a new RS presidency and they taught their first lesson today.  My thoughts go out to them as they all seem so nervous and out of place.  They are all wonderful women and I know that they will gain the confidence and strength very soon. 

We came home and broke our fast.  I made a game plan as to what I was going to eat because when I am hungry, I will grab whatever I can.  I ate healthy like I was suppose to.  I feel like I am getting control of my body and their is power and confidence with that control.  I hope to keep it up.

I read 18 pages of BOM and 10 pages of Jesus the Christ and now we are all laying in my bed as I type this entry and Brian and Shaeler are playing angry birds.  Tomorrow, the busy life starts up again, but I am doing my best to be pro active and prepared.  My favorite quote that I am trying to live by today is:
There are 2 kinds of people in this world:  those who act and those who are acted upon.  I believe it was Jacob or Nephi that talks about the same thing.

I also made my first list of dreams and New years resolutions for 2011.  They are:

1.  Go to Nauvoo
2.  Study the New Testament lesson every week for Sunday School
3.  Be more outgoing in saying hello, goodbye and talking with people.
4.  Be more charitable
5.  Work on family relationships
6.  Read Jesus the Christ
7.  Read The Life of Christ by Farrell
8.  Lose 10 lbs and hit 138
9.  Stretch and gain flexibility
10.  Read more books
11.  Be a happier, fun mom and wife.

Peace of cake right?  These are my goals and I am struggling with dreaming bigger dreams.  Need to figure what ceilings I can break to live a life full of adventure and accomplishment.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

A New Year, A New Day!

2011 has come and I am very excited for what the year brings.  2010 was a fabulous year, even though we had some scary moments and crazy adventures, I accomplished a lot of my goals.  Some of the things that will stick out in my mind the most for 2010 will be:

1.   I planned a Youth Conference and Co-chaired a successful part of the Youth Conference event.  I got to play Mary of Magdelene in the production and we used the "Walk with Christ" theme.

2.  I found some inner peace with myself and my life.  Hooray!

3.  I lost 40 lbs in one year.

4.  I am finding an inner peace with my sugar addiction.  Working on it, but getting there.  I am sucessfully fasting also.  Not getting as angry and I belive this is due to not having the sugar drops.

5.  All of the trials with Brian.  His kidney stones, his near death, his anal abcess, his anger and contention, and destressing him.

6.  Finally finding Joy in Christmas.  Found Joy in being with friends, wrapping presents, decorations (leaving the tree up 3 days after Christmas), spiritual aspects and gaining a deeper joy in the Savior's birth.

7.  Got a new phone.  Haleluja!!  It is a Mytouch 4G.  Brian and I can sync our calendars, our lives, and to do lists.  The little peace of technology is a pure miracle in my life.

8.  I earned my second YW's medallion. 

9.  I read the Book of Mormon 3 times in 90 days.

10.  I feel that my personal relationships within my family are getting better.  I am hoping that it will get even better with my mom, dad and sister in 2011.

I was once told that what you do on the first day of the year determines the rest of the year.  So here is what I did on 1/1/11.  That was really cool to type.

I got up early and went and worked out.  I lifted weights and hit the stairmaster.  I came home and ate my berry smoothie.  I showered and picked Kristen up to go shopping at Dillards for their 30-70% off sale.  At  the sale, I bought Shaeler 3 dresses that I am hoping are more her style, 2 shirts and 2 tutus.  For myself I bought a pink scarf, new nylons for church and temple, a black shirt and a scarf for Kristen for her birthday.    I came home and ate lunch and then 18 pages in the Book of Mormon and then 10 pages of Jesus the Christ.  When Brian and Shae got home, I took a nap and then we headed over to Chad and Ann's house for a friend party.

We arrived and the Boulton's showed up just a few minutes after us.  I congratulated Katie on the news of their pregnancy announcement.  We ate Papa Murphy's pizza, cookies, brownies, vegetables, chips and dip, and M&M's.  We spent the night playing games such as Bananagrams, Imagine If and Scategories.  We came home in the freezing cold temperature of 8 degrees at 10:00 at night. 

Not bad for the first day.  How wonderful life would be if everyday was like this.  Workout, shopping, reading, napping and then hanging out with friends.  Haven't had any bad inspirations for 2011, so I am looking forward to see what the year brings.